How to Survive Distance Learning and Help Your Child Thrive

One thing is abundantly clear: home isolation and Distance Learning are making both parents and children a little nuts.  The unplanned school closures and movement to remote learning for children – while parents are also frequently relegated to a home-office – is both a perfect storm and a family’s worst nightmare.  Why? Because many times the last place kids want to be is holed up at home with their parents.

Awkward and uncomfortable as it is to read this, it’s better to know the truth.  Instead of fighting it, and trying to force your child to bond with you, it’s better to give in and find a better path.

Why do kids act the way they do?

Contrary to popular parental belief, children actually do (usually) like their parents.  It is especially natural for older children and teenagers to want to push away from parental and family constraints while they try to become more independent and self-sufficient. They also want to know who they are without their parents telling them or guiding them.  While these child growing pains can feel like torture to parents, they’re essential to help your child eventually be able to leave their home and become self-sufficient adults.

So, what can you do now?

Every parent of every older child that ever was, recognizes the eye roll.  And the vague shrug.  Followed by the “I dunno”.  And the heavy sigh followed by something like, “whatever”.  Followed by another eye roll.  

As impossible as it seems to communicate effectively with your child – let alone help them – you can do both.  Though some kids would rather die than admit this, they still need their parents.  AND, they actually want their parents to guide and help them.

However, older children are like a strange animal; they’re confusing and hard to decipher.  The best way to approach a teen is in-directly.  Teens are hard-wired to reject any direct instruction or guidance from their parents.  So, coming at them indirectly, and often without their knowledge usually works best.   Here are a few suggestions to nudging your teen in the right direction:

1. Mention things casually in conversation without making a direct connection to their lack of work or your frustration. This is an age-old trick to drop “hints” obliquely. You may think your teen isn’t listening, but surprisingly, they listen to more than you think. Saying, “I hear Joe was setting up an online study group,” and then switching to another topic, might be more effective than you think.

2. Ask another adult your teen trusts to help. Teens may be pushing back at their parents, but they are not that way with all adults. Perhaps a relative, neighbor or teacher they connect to can help. Asking these adults to reach out to your teen can be a good way for them to get the guidance they need.

3. Involve your teen. This one probably feels like a non-starter, but it’s a basic in good teaching. Talking at students is much less effective than talking with students. Getting teens to share their frustrations with online course work, and listening to them, is the first step. When they’ve finished verbalizing, ask them what they think will work for them to succeed, and how you can help. Letting them take the lead teaches good problem-solving skills, and gives them a sense of control while keeping you involved.

Tactics to Help Your Child With Distance Learning

Find a Study Space that’s not the bedroom

Most teens love to do their work in their bedrooms, but it is not a great place for distance learning. Bedrooms are personal spaces and places they can “cocoon” from the rest of the world. The problem? For many, the bedroom is also a place to relax and disconnect. So, while they’re trying to do distance learning work, their child’s brain is telling them to relax and think about something else.

Instead of their bedroom, children should have a “work” area in the house – ideally outside of their bedroom. If outside of the bedroom is impossible, then create a “work corner” that is exclusive for distance learning and working.

When teens go to their workspace, their brain goes into a focused working-mode. This improves concentration and allows children to get more work done.

The Distance Learning Daily Schedule

Your child should ideally make their own daily schedule (not the one you want, but the one they can live with). Making a daily schedule makes it much easier to get things done. Otherwise, the “I’ll do it later” philosophy can turn into, “I never did it.” So, if your child wakes up at 11:00 am, but they’re willing to start work every day at 2:00 pm, and they can live with that schedule, great! The discipline of establishing and sticking to a schedule gives children a sense of achievement. Plus, it also makes it more likely that your child will finish their school work every day.

The Distance Learning Organization Calendar

Using either a digital or physical calendar to write down every assignment – from homework to tests to big projects – will help your teen see the big academic picture.

As your child will likely no longer have their teacher reminding them of deadlines, scheduling them in a calendar will let them organize how and when to work.

A calendar can also allow them to break down bigger items, like essays, into smaller “parts” to avoid putting them off until the last minute.

For VISUAL LEARNERS, a big whiteboard calendar they can physically write or draw on can be a great tool for organizing their workload and meeting deadlines. In the end, any kind of calendar that helps your child see and understand how much work they have and when it’s due will keep them on track and give them a stronger sense of control.

Take Breaks From Distance Learning

If your child has established a schedule, remind them to work breaks in. No one, not even adults, can work effectively for long periods of time. The average attention span of a teenager is anywhere from 11 -20 minutes. Occasionally, children get in “the zone” while working and won’t stop until they’re finished. But, in most cases, if teens are facing several hours of work, breaking the work down into 20-minute blocks will feel much more manageable – and less scary. Breaks are perfect for letting ideas simmer and process, and students can return to work refreshed and energized. NOTE: breaks should be from 5-10 minutes. Anything longer will turn into a distraction.

Connecting With Peers During Distance Learning.

Maybe this sounds insane. Don’t teenagers already connect enough with their friends through their devices? Well, yes. But, that’s not the kind of connection I’m talking about. Children/Teens who work or study with friends, especially if they are Social Learners, often do better in study groups because they can discuss and better understand content and ideas. Working or studying with a peer or peers (not socializing) can help children work more efficiently and also create higher quality work. Platforms like Zoom help students connect with various peers and exchange ideas.

Imperfect Is Okay During Distance Learning

Distance learning is relatively new to most teachers and students. It can never replace the rich, energizing dynamics of face-to-face classroom learning. But, for most of us, it’s what we have and we try to make the best of it. For children (and yes, teens are still children) remote learning can be frustrating and emotionally difficult. Home learning can bring on feelings of sadness, lack of control and social disconnection. Helping your teen acknowledge these issues, and allowing them to be perfectly imperfect, helps take off the unique pressures associated with learning from home.

One step at a time

The unexpected advent of remote learning for teenagers can be overwhelming and a bit terrifying for anyone in the family. Still, your teen can find their rhythm by implementing these tactics, bit by bit, to create a more structured and functional and positive learning environment at home. So yes, you and your teen can not only survive learning at home but also thrive.

Find out your child’s Learning Style!